Some cool quotes I found......

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,"Lillian, you
should have remained a virgin." - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)



I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not
pleased to read the description in the catalog: - "No good in a bed, but
fine against a wall." - Eleanor Roosevelt



Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that
statement. - Mark Twain



The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good
ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns



Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. -
Victor Borge



Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. -
Mark Twain



By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if
you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates



I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho
Marx



My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she
stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante



I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa
Gabor



Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine



My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield



Money can't buy you happiness .. But it does bring you a more pleasant
form of misery. - Spike Milligan



Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. - Joe Namath



I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time
for my nap. - Bob Hope



I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in
it. - W. C. Fields



We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its
way through Congress. - Will Rogers



Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will
avoid you. - Winston Churchill



Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts
to wear out, fall out, or spread out. - Phyllis Diller



By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
anywhere. - Billy Crystal